How to Survive a Google Business Profile Suspension Without Losing Your Will to Live
Step one: patience.
Step two: more f***ing patience.
Step three: prepare for broken-English replies from what we can only assume is a rotating call center orbiting Saturn.
We spent
a month—yes,
a whole damn month—getting one of these suspensions resolved for a client. Not to scare you, but Google treats this department like a disowned stepchild. It’s 100% outsourced, powered by chaos and apathy. And no, there's absolutely nothing you can do about that.
Now, let me do you a favor and save you a week of yelling at your screen, but first I recommend enabling a bit of
background music fitting for this read:
If you have a Google Ads account, stop reading and go submit your support request from inside that account instead.
Seriously. It’s like having VIP access to the same broken system, but with a shorter line. I found this out
after my mental health was already in shambles.
For the rest of you poor souls with no Ads account, here’s what I painfully learned from this digital hostage negotiation:
Tip #1: Got an actual human reply from Google at any point in the past?
Never. Let. Go. Of. That. Email thread.
Treat it like the last bottle of water in the desert. Even if it’s a closed ticket about something totally unrelated—
use that thread to respond. For some reason, that brings reply times down from three days to, like, one. Magic? Nope—just Google roulette again.
Tip #2: No past emails? Welcome to ‘GoogleRoulette’
Open your Google Business Profile. Try to get to support. Now you’re playing a game I call
GoogleRoulette™, where your objective is to land the elusive “CHAT” button before the system decides you’re not worthy and tells you to “Ask the Community.”
Here’s the
actual move:
When it says
“Tell us what we can help with,” do
not—I repeat—
DO NOT mention suspension, profile, verification, or anything logical.
Say something totally random. Like:
“Help—someone marked us as a massage parlor again.”
Click “Other.”
If the Chat button appears, congrats—you’ve won the jackpot. Plead your case with the live agent then immediately buy lottery tickets. If you get “Email us,” move to the next section.
If you get “Ask the Community,” you’re screwed. Seriously. Try again from another profile.
Tip #3: You’re Stuck With Email Support? Here’s How to (Maybe) Not Get Ignored
Once you’ve been banished to the email form, go nuclear. Write like a fed-up divorce attorney with receipts.
- List every single thing you’ve done.
- Include all past ticket numbers.
- Mention you completed live video verification.
- Make it clear that you were suspended with zero info.
Write this exact phrase:
“Please provide the EXACT violation(s) our business is suspended for so we can fix this IMMEDIATELY.”
All caps? Optional. The rage behind the words? Mandatory.
Now upload documents.
All of them. Don’t skip. Don’t guess. Don’t improvise. Here’s the required offering to the Google gods:
- Business registration
- Business license
- Tax certificate
- Utility bills with your business name/address (electricity, phone, cable, internet, not a napkin)
And don’t get cute with alternatives. The dealership GSM provided an AutoTrader bill with instructions to just try that.. because he couldn’t get a utility bill without summoning the Comptroller of Earth. Rejected. Grab some flowers, 6 pack, whatever works and go talk to the comptroller and just get the real docs.
Tip #4: You Submitted? Great. Now, Begin the Ritual of Annoyance.
If you had a human email thread—light it up. Ping them for updates like it’s your side job.
If not, wait for someone to reply. Once they do, buckle up. You’ll need to follow up
again and
again and
again—because if you don’t, your request will rot in the inbox like a forgotten Amazon return.
Minimum 5-day delay unless you start tapping the glass.
In summary:
- Pretend you’re not suspended to get help.
- Send totally unrelated messages to bait the chat button.
- Stockpile documents like you’re going to court.
- Repeat your issue like a broken Roomba.
- Be petty. Be persistent. Be annoying.
That’s how you get your Google Business Profile unsuspended.
Good luck. You’ll need it.
P.S. In your case, definitely mention that you created a spin-off GMB for your parts department. Odds are, verifying the main profile and then immediately launching a second one threw a red flag for Google’s over-caffeinated AI. Now, you’ll need to explain how this is actually a legitimate second business and not some shady clone operation. Welcome to the clown show.
